


Preventative Measures

by EmilyweepsforPilfrey



Series: Twissy Oneshots [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Target is a magical place, this is one of those "I don't even know how this happened" fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 21:59:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11518323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyweepsforPilfrey/pseuds/EmilyweepsforPilfrey
Summary: Cold metal encircled his wrist. The Doctor was jolted out of his reverie to see Missy looking up at him, eyes shining with that look of complete and utter adoration she reserved just for him.“I am not losing you again.”“It’s okay, Missy,” he said honestly, taking her hand to reassure her. “You’re not going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere.”





	Preventative Measures

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a prompt over on Tumblr.  
> “I am not losing you again.” 

_Cold metal encircled his wrist. The Doctor was jolted out of his reverie to see Missy looking up at him, eyes shining with that look of complete and utter adoration she reserved just for him._  

 _“I am not losing you again.”_  

 _“It’s okay, Missy,” he said honestly, taking her hand to reassure her. “You’re not going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere.”_  

*** 

It was astonishing, the Doctor thought, what humans were capable of. Like a kid in a candy store, he took in his surroundings in gleeful amazement.  

It was truly wonderful. There was everything you could ever need - candy bars, pencils, shoes, books, toys, prophylactics, cutlery, socks – the Doctor noted as he tossed various items into his trolley. Target: truly one of the greatest human inventions. The supreme department store! 

A pack of four pairs of pantyhose for $6.39! He threw it into the trolley. He didn’t know when he would ever need it, but at prices like that how could he not buy it? Plus, if he laddered one pair, he would still have three more! 

He continued walking along the aisles, pausing often to admire the merchandise.  

“Can you believe this?” he asked a passing woman. “How do they sell it at these prices? They’re practically giving it away!”  

The woman hurried away, glancing back at him as if he was a madman. He was, but that wasn’t my point. He was being extraordinarily mad, even for him.  

“Hamilton Beach 2 lb. HomeBaker Breadmaker,” he read, “$48.99. You know, I don’t think I can go through life without this.”  

And so the bread maker went in the trolley. 

The Doctor continued on his journey. He felt almost like he was under the influence of some narcotic. As if in a dream, he walked the store’s hallowed aisles, looking left and right, up and down and feeling like he was swimming in a sea of low prices and consumerism.   

Then cold metal encircled his wrist. The Doctor was jolted out of his reverie to see Missy looking up at him, eyes shining with that look of complete and utter adoration she reserved just for him.  

“I am not losing you again.”  

“It’s okay, Missy,” he said honestly, taking her hand to reassure her. “You’re not going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere. Why would I when here, right in front of us, there are packets of 10 ball point pens for 99 cents. It’s madness! The question isn’t if I should get them, but how many should I get! How many ball point pens, on average, do think a Time Lord goes through in a lifetime?  Thousands? Tens of thousands? Fifty - sixty thousand? Millions?”   

Missy sighed and rolled her eyes at his antics.  

Then the Doctor noticed a display of batteries up ahead. He started towards it, forgetting the fact that Missy had just handcuffed their wrists together. The chain pulled tight and he stumbled back towards Missy as she stood fast.  

“Heel, Doctor,” she said with a smirk and with that she took his hand, placed it on the trolley next to hers and together they pushed it down the aisle.  

Mercifully, she allowed him to stop once they reached the batteries. He was in heaven! AAs, AAAs, C4s, alkaline, lithium, rechargeable, button cells, batteries with rabbits on the packaging!  

“Now I always forget, do TARDISes take double As or triple As,” he asked.  

“Idiot,” she retorted, snatching several packets of AAA batteries and tossing them into the trolley with the rest of the junk the Doctor has accumulated.  

“Thank you, dear.”  

They came upon the men’s clothing section next. The Doctor was quite taken by what Missy would call a “hideous purple dress shirt”. The Doctor just called it “fantastic”.  

So, Missy found herself following the Doctor to the men’s changing rooms. Their problem then became apparent.  

“I’m not taking the cuffs off,” she announced. “I’m not losing you again, Doctor. You have a tendency to get distracted and run off.”  

“I see,” he replied. “We’ll just have to do this the hard way then.”  

'The hard way' is a phrase which here means it was impossible for the Doctor to try any clothing on with a Time Lady attached to his arm standing outside the curtain. He managed to get his shirt off, aside from one sleeve, then promptly got tangled up in it, causing Missy to get pulled into the changing room. They landed in a pile on the floor, the Doctor bearing the brunt of it as Missy landed atop him.  

"Well, this didn't work out quite how I planned," the Doctor said.  

Missy looked down at him, eyes alight.  

"Hmm, that's funny. It's exactly how I planned it."  

She was just leaning in to capture his lips when they were interrupted by one of the employees clearing his throat outside the curtain.  

"Only one person per changing room." The young employee's voice squeaked a little as he spoke. He sounded like he wanted to be anywhere other than next to a curtain with two sets of feet protruding.  

"Yes, right, we'll just be a minute," Missy shouted back, sounding more and more Scottish with each word.  

She turned her attention back to the Doctor.  

"Right, now, where were we?"  

The Doctor stopped her as she started to lean in again.  

"We should really heed his words."  

"You want to listen to the talking human fetus?" she asked in disbelief.  

"I can hear you, you know," the talking human fetus said.  

The Doctor gave Missy a warning look. Being good didn't include getting up to shenanigans on the floor of a Target changing room.  

She bopped him once on the nose with her finger, smiling down at him, before she stood up with miraculous grace and stepped out of the changing room. Of course, thanks to the fact she was still wearing the Doctor as an oversized charm bracelet, she ended up pulling him, still half naked, out of the changing room with her.  

"There," she said to the changing room attendant in a huff. "Now there's no one in your precious changing room."  

With that she handed him the hideous shirt the Doctor had been trying to try on and walked out, dragging the Doctor along with her. He hurriedly tried to pull his shirt back on whilst keeping up with her.  

"Oh, Doctor, here," she said, stopping him with a hand on his arm and pushing him against a nearby wall. "Allow me."  

For a moment, he wasn't sure if she was going to help him or kiss him. Truthfully, he didn't know what he would prefer. But then she started buttoning up his shirt, deft fingers working swiftly so he was soon appropriately covered again. It was sweet, he thought, that she cared not only to undress him but to help him dress again. He'd read in some human magazine that it was a sign of a good relationship. Of course, she did get a little handsy while tucking his shirt back in, but he didn't expect her to be on her best behaviour all of the time.  

The two of them continued on their journey around the magical land of Target, stopping often so one of them could throw something in the trolley. 

Missy was good, for the most part, or, at least, as good as she could be.  

While they were lining up to pay, Missy grabbed a lollipop from a display by the counter and promptly unwrapped it and put it in her mouth.  

"You know you have to pay for that," the Doctor warned. "That's stealing."  

He was taking the challenge of teaching her to be good very seriously.  

Missy just shrugged. There were limits to how much good behaviour she could exhibit in one day.  

It was at that moment that a young boy walked over to the shelf, only to see that the last lollipop had been taken by Missy.  

"Oh, there are no lollipops left," he said, face falling in complete and utter disappointment before he started to cry.  

Missy suddenly became very aware of the lollypop currently sitting on her tongue. Panicking, she looked back and forth from the crying child to the Doctor. She didn't know how to make it stop. 

She wasn't sure how a "good" person would behave in this situation, so she did what had become a habit in recent times and she asked herself: _What would the Doctor do?_  

Missy reached into her pocket and pulled out a crisp bill, confident that this would rectify the situation. She crouched down so she was at a similar height to the crying child (and he was so much scarier then, but she didn't let fear stop her!) 

"Here you go, small human," she said, handing the money over. "You can buy lots of lollipops with that."  

Eyes wide, as if he could hardly believe it, the boy thanked Missy and ran back off to his mother.  

Missy smiled as she stood again. She was starting to see why the Doctor did it, why he enjoyed being good. The Doctor was smiling too, proud of his friend's actions.  

"You do realise you just gave that kid a one-hundred-dollar note," he said to her as they moved forwards in the line.  

"Oh, did I?" she replied, suddenly worried. "Was it not enough? Should I give him another? Did I not do good?" 

"No, no, Missy. It's fine." He took her hand as she attempted to reach for more money. "It was a very generous gift."  

A smile spread over Missy's face. "Oh, was it a lot?" 

The Doctor's eyebrows rose as his eyes lit up in mirth. "Well, he could probably buy a car with that!" 

"Oh, that does seem like too much. At least he will have a good start in life. I mean how old do you think he is, 40? 105? I hope he doesn't go and blow it all on something stupid." 

"I'd say a young chap like that, he's probably 70 or maybe 12?" The Doctor replied. "And don't worry about the money. You weren't to know."  

He reassured her with a comforting pat on the shoulder.  

 I don't understand human money," she admitted as their items were scanned by the cashier.  

"I will admit, I found it a bit challenging in the beginning," the Doctor replied, "especially since there are so many different currencies and the values change all the time, but for a worldly, intelligent man like myself it's not so difficult to understand."  

He was, without a doubt, showing off for her. She liked that he still acted like a teenager with a crush around her.  

With their purchases bagged, the Doctor handed the cashier a stack of money amounting to several hundred dollars. He took Missy's hand and together they pushed the trolley out to the waiting TARDIS.  

The cashier's attempts to stop them went unheard.  

"Sir! Sir, wait! You've given me way too much money! Sir, this is hundreds of dollars too much!"  

"Back to the vault?" The Doctor asked as they walked through the carpark.  

"Oh, do let's have a little fun first!" she pleaded, giving him her best innocent expression that she knew he couldn't say no to. 

 "Anything for you, my love," he said, leaning in for a quick kiss, finally acknowledging that she'd managed to get him wrapped around her little finger. "I'll just take the trolley back fir-" 

The Doctor attempted to walk away but was stopped by metal digging into his arm. He'd forgotten about the handcuffs.  

"Dammit!"  

"Oh, Doctor," Missy crooned, "I am not losing you again."  


End file.
